Resources

Domestic Violence Resources

More than 4  in  10 women have experienced some form of intimate partner violence (IPV) in their lifetimes.

From the Canadian Centre for Justice and Community Safety Statistics:

"In 2018, 44% of women reported experiencing some form of psychological, physical, or sexual violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes (Statistics Canada, 2021). Research shows that “women disproportionately experience the most severe forms of IPV, such as being choked, being assaulted or threatened with a weapon, or being sexually assaulted” (Cotter, 2021).

From Statistics Canada:

"Approximately every six days, a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner" (Roy, Marcellus, 2019.)

"It should be noted that, while intimate partner violence and spousal violence are largely a form of gender-based violence perpetrated by men against women, such violence—for both victims and perpetrators—is not limited to those of one gender or sexual orientation" (Dim 2021; Oliffe et al. 2014; Public Health Agency of Canada 2009).

If You Need Help

In Canada:

National Services & Resources

ShelterSafe.ca provides information to help connect women and their children across Canada with the nearest shelter for safety and support.

Kids Help Phone allows you to chat with a trained volunteer crisis responder for support any time, about anything, via text message.

MyPlan Canada is a free app to help you with your safety and well-being if you have experienced abuse from a current or past spouse, partner or boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s private, secure, personalized and backed by research.

Provincial and Territory Crisis Lines

Source: www.domesticshelters.org

One thing that helps me process the hard things in my life -is knowledge. It's likely cliche to say but there is so much power in it. I read and research - it helps keep me grounded in facts (often needed if you’ve experienced gaslighting), it also helps me feel less alone. Here's a list of books that I've read or that have been recommended to me, in case they might help you too:

Book Recommendations:

No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us – By Rachel Louise Snyder

"Through the stories of victims, perpetrators, law enforcement, and reform movements from across the country, Snyder explores the real roots of private violence, its far-reaching consequences for society, and what it will take to truly address it."

Why Does He Do That? - Inside the Minds of Angry Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

In this book, Lundy Bancroft - a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men - uses his knowledge about how abusers think, to illustrate what often drives their behavior. This book really helped me begin to shift the self blame I was feeling onto the person who actually is to blame.

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman

In Trauma and Recovery, psychiatrist Judith Herman, places individual experience in a broader political frame. She argues, that psychological trauma is inseparable from its social and political context (truth!). She redefines how we think about and treat victims of trauma.

Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship by Lisa Aronson Fontes.

“When you are showered with attention, it can feel incredibly romantic and can blind you to hints of problems ahead. But what happens when attentiveness becomes domination? In some relationships, the desire to control leads to jealousy, gaslighting, threats, micromanaging--even physical violence. If you or someone you care about are trapped in a web of coercive control, this book provides answers, hope, and a way out.” - This book helped me understand what coercive control is, and what it can look like within relationships.

See What You Made Me Do: The Dangers of Domestic Abuse That We Ignore, Explain Away, or Refuse to See by Jess Hill

“We fear dark alleys, when in truth, home is the most dangerous place for a woman. Of the 87,000 women killed globally in 2017, more than a third (30,000) were killed by an intimate partner, and another 20,000 were killed by a family member. These statistics tell us something that's almost impossible to grapple with: it's not the stranger in the dark women should fear, but the men they fall in love with.” - This is a MUST read. I have so much of it highlighted because so much of it was relevant to what I experienced.

Podcasts:

Narcissist Apocalypse

Narcissist Apocalypse is a storytelling podcast that gives a voice to survivors of abuse. Through the power of story, our community helps educate, heal, and make you feel less alone. (Focused on amplifying voices of survivors)

Unmasking the Abuser

This series details the specific tactics used by abusers to lure and trap their victims in toxic relationships